


Too Many Canons

by Oricalle



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Disrespect Of A Library, Gen, Humor, Joke Fic, Mild Language, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Lords In Askr, Spoilers, What Will They Do, this game has four separate canon routes huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oricalle/pseuds/Oricalle
Summary: Sharena needs a fact check on Fodlan history.  Surely that can't be too hard.  Right?wait what do you mean "different routes" what are th-
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Too Many Canons

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of a Weekly Drabble exercise with the illustrious InRemote.
> 
> This piece features the Post-Canon versions of all three main Lords in Askr, and thus has some pretty big spoilers for multiple routes!
> 
> Happy first anniversary, Three Houses!

Out of all the places in Castle Askr, the archives were special. When you ran an elite army made up of the summoned spirits of over a hundred of the universe’s most vaunted heroes, the first thing sacrificed was any sense of peace and quiet. The great archives, with their towering stacks of tomes that detailed countless subjects, were an oasis in the din. 

Sharena had never settled on an explanation; perhaps the Heroes simply had great respect for their histories buried amidst the shelves, or there was a mystical aura of calm to the books, or maybe it was all just because of that time Alfonse had put Tharja on librarian duty, and she turned Bartre’s nose into a rock because he wouldn’t stop belly-laughing while reading in the middle of the room.

Regardless of the reason, the archives were silent as the grave when Sharena entered, only the clacks of her shoes against the tile announcing her presence. She glanced across the room, easily catching sight of her target seated at one of the central tables.

There, hunched over a book that looked absolutely tiny in comparison, was the powerful form of Dimitri Blaiddyd, his one good eye scanning the pages as a smile played at his lips. Across from him, engrossed in a volume of his own, sat Claude von Riegan, twirling an arrow absentmindedly with one hand.

“Excuse me!” Sharena waved as she approached, watching as both men turned to look at her.

“Princess! To what do we owe the pleasure?” Claude drawled.

“Just a bit of a history question, if that’s okay!”

“We will do our best to answer.” Sharena couldn’t help but notice that even as Dimitri looked up at her, his eye was having trouble tearing itself away from “Regna Ferox’s Funniest Dad Jokes”

“Okay! So, I like to write little primers for the Summoner on all the Heroes that we summon! I know you were both very close with one of our newcomers, Byleth.” The two men nodded in response. “I’d like to clarify something. When they were knocked unconscious for those five years...what caused that again?”

Sharena had her response quickly, as Claude leaned back in his chair with a wistful look in his eyes. 

“Ah, yeah, that was that Agarthan sorcerer. Hit them with some kind of black magic, never learned exactly what it was. What was his name again, Dimi?”

“Thales.” Dimitri muttered. His brow furrowed at the mere mention. “A blackheart, were there ever one. It is a shame we never discovered his whereabouts after the war.”

Claude’s eyebrows shot up in confusion, but before he or Sharena could ask any more questions, another voice broke in.

“I have no love for that bastard Arundel, but I cannot let him take the blame. I’m sure Sharena can handle the truth.” The assembled Heroes watched as a pair of horns popped up over one of the smaller bookshelves and moved towards them, giving way to the vision of Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg. “Princess, the one who struck that blow was not the Agarthan, but the false Goddess herself, Archbishop Rhea.”

Dimitri scoffed. “El, is it not past the time for such grudges? You may not get along with Lady Rhea, but making up such a story is beneath you.”

With a huff, Edelgard crossed her arms. “Don’t be a fool. I speak the truth. The only pretender here is you, Dimitri.” She leveled an accusing finger at his eyepatch. “I know full well that both of your eyes work perfectly fine. Trying to look intimidating, are we?”

As Dimitri snarled and rose from his seat, Sharena realized she had lost all control of the situation.

“What nonsense! This eye was injured during my years of exile! Roaming the wastes of Faerghus, surviving off of rats and leaves!”

“The only rat here is you! You were in Fhirdiad! You were the King!”

“Oh, this is just like you! You don’t like something, so you try to just erase it. This is just like when you set Gronder Field aflame!”

“When the hell was I at Gronder Field, Dimitri?”

“When Fleche stabbed Rodrigue!”

“Fleche STABBED someone?!?! Preposterous!”

“Did becoming that Crest Beast addle your memory, El?”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Clearly a diet of pure cheese does little for the mental state.”

“Do not disrespect the Gautier Gratin simply because your stomach is too delicate for anything but Sweet Buns!”

As the argument devolved further and further into food-based insults, increasingly sudden finger-pointing, and a discussion on the ethics of the occasional kidnapping, Sharena made her way out of the room, Claude at her heels.

“Hey, Princess. Do you think you could introduce me to those Shepherd folks?” The archer sighed. “I think I might have to find some less embarrassing friends.”

Sharena brightened. “Oh! I’d be glad to. There’s one of them now, actually!”

Her bright wave to Tharja went unreturned as the dark mage skulked down the hallway towards the archives, a tome clutched to her chest and the beginnings of a hex on her tongue.

There was no yelling allowed in the library.

**Author's Note:**

> Super Secret Author's Notes:
> 
> \- honestly sharena's used to this shit after corrin and pals showed up.
> 
> \- Dimitri's favorite joke in the book is "What did the snowman say to the other snowman?"  
> "Do you smell carrots?"


End file.
